re472: Turns Out… You Can Have It All

[00:00:00] Speaker A: But there was this, you know, this struggle of I want to be in Spain and I want to be with my family. And then at some point, I spoke to my coach and she said, why not have it all? [00:00:19] Speaker B: And good morning, everyone. I am here today with Nicolina Housingheim and. Hi, Nicholeen. Hi. And today we are going to answer that question. Now what? And the question's different, of course, for. Well, the question's the same, but the answer is different for everyone. And today I want to talk about Nicoline's, you know, the word journey. And every time I say journey. Journey. But what do you want to call it? Transformation Journey. I mean, you know, it's a good word. It just gets overused. [00:00:52] Speaker A: But I like the word journey. [00:00:54] Speaker B: Okay. All right, the word journey will do for today. [00:00:58] Speaker A: We'll do. [00:01:00] Speaker B: So, Nicholeen, I'm going to say these words and the listener, you're going to. You're going to say, oh, that's so cliche. But Nicholeen is living her dream, or living one of her dreams. She truly is. And how many people can say that out there? Right? And so this is why I want to talk with, with you today, Nicholeen, because you are actually doing it. You're not just planning and hoping and wishing and, and, and all that, all that passive, you know, or even active stuff, but you actually have done it. You have in the past, you wanted a thing, then you took action and you made the thing happen, and now you are actually living the thing. [00:01:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:41] Speaker B: So, yeah, I'm gonna let you tell your story about what the thing is. [00:01:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:47] Speaker B: And. And then we'll talk about it. So welcome, Nicholeen. It's great to have you. And, and also, really congratulations and celebration on. On doing what you've done. It's really amazing. Thank you. [00:01:58] Speaker A: Well, you know, it's so funny because when you describe, oh, you wanted a thing, you started doing it, and now you're. You're doing it. Well, it took me a while. It took a while because ever since I was 19. Well, and even before that, I. I've always said, you know, I live in the Netherlands. I was born and raised in the Netherlands. I always told people, the Netherlands are too small for me. I mean, I was nine when I started. I was nine when I started English classes. And it was in elementary school, where at the time getting English classes was like, was not done. But I had a wonderful teacher who was like, oh, I would love to teach English. Would you be interested? So he asked several students in elementary school. I was Nine. I was like, yeah, I want that. I want that. And people ask me like, why do you want to speak English so badly? And I said, you know, the Netherlands are too small for me. [00:03:05] Speaker B: Wow. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. That is so cool. [00:03:08] Speaker A: It was so. And it's so funny because at some point when I was 19, I really wanted to work and live abroad. But at the time I was 19, I had a boyfriend and he was like, no, long distance relationships don't work. And I was really close to going abroad. I had two options, either go to France or to Switzerland, to have a job there, to live there at least for a year. And he was like, no, long distance relationships. That's gonna mean the end of us and is what you want. And I had my mother who was very concerned about a young girl going abroad alone. And she was, oh, but you're, you're going to get robbed and, you know, raped and you're going to die. Yeah, she was really, really concerned. So I had those two people who were like, no, don't do it, don't do it. And at the time, and I'm not blaming them, definitely, no, no, of course not. But I didn't do it. I didn't go. I didn't go. I got married at 22. I got divorced at 31. I met my now husband at 33 and we had a child when I was 36. So I never had, you know, the opportunity again. And I never took the opportunity again to actually live that dream of going abroad and work and live there until two years ago. I went to Spain for a few days and I'm a cold water swimmer, as you know. So I went to the beach and even though, you know, in Spain in. [00:05:07] Speaker B: September, not, not that cold, it's not. [00:05:09] Speaker A: That cold, but I went to the beach every morning for a swim and it was lovely and I watched the sunrise and it was so gorgeous. It was so beautiful. And I think it was on the second or third day I saw the sunrise and I heard the sea and I got so emotional and I was like, I want to live here. I want to be here. I want to live here. Because the light is different, the vibe is completely different. I'm so at peace here. I so love it here. I love nature, I love the beach, I love the sea. It's. It's so beautiful. The color of the water, the friendly people. It's basically a kind of simple life. It's. And it's so good. And I really was so Emotional, like, oh my God, I really want this, I really want to be here. But then I was like, yeah, but I have a husband and I have, at the time he was 19, a 19 year old son. How am I going to do it? And I was really struggling with that because, you know, there's so much conditioning in, especially for women, I think, like, we need to be good girls, we need to be good spouses, we need to be mothers. And wanting to be abroad, away from my family, that really felt so bad. Like I don't love them or I don't want to be around them or. And that was definitely not the case. No, but there was this, you know, this struggle of I want to be in Spain and I want to be with my family. And then at some point I spoke to my coach and she said, why not have it all? And I was like, wait, what? And she said, you can have it all, you can do both. And then I was like, oh, wait a minute, that's definitely something I can do. So that was September 23rd. In April 24th, I was there for almost two weeks, same spot. And I absolutely loved it. I was there in the summer for five weeks together with my family. I was there again in November last year for two weeks. I absolutely loved it. And then I was like, I want to extend my stay because every time I leave it's like I don't want to go. So then I was like, okay, next time I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go for a longer period of time. So in March, I was there for the whole month of March. In summer I was there for six weeks. And now I'm going to be there for the entire month of October again. So it's like starting small with only a few days and a bit longer and a bit longer. And then. And now it's, yeah. Going there more and more often and longer periods of time. So for me, that is the perfect combination of living that dream. [00:08:45] Speaker B: Your coach, I'm going to call a guide. Your. Your guide. That was really interesting. You. Why not have it all? Yeah, and that's. That's kind of a. Wait, wait, wait. What? [00:08:58] Speaker A: What? Yeah, that was it. That was it. Because before it was like either or. Either you're in the Netherlands or you're in Spain. And it's not like go back and forth. That's. That there was not an option in my mind. But when she said, you can have it all, I was like, oh, wait a minute, I can. [00:09:21] Speaker B: No, it's funny, you know, when I wanted to talk with you. I hadn't thought of that aspect. And I think that's a really powerful aspect, the idea of there's A and B. Yeah. And you think, need to have A. [00:09:36] Speaker A: Or B. Yeah, that's it. [00:09:38] Speaker B: You need to move full time, get a divorce, give your child up for adoption, quit your job and move the thing. [00:09:44] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:09:45] Speaker B: So you. You annihilate A and you have B. Yay. Yeah. But that's it. [00:09:50] Speaker A: And of course, you know, A was never an option. [00:09:55] Speaker B: Right, right. [00:09:56] Speaker A: That also created the conflict in my mind. Like, but I want to be in Spain. And that. That makes me a bad person, because I don't. I don't. Apparently, that's what I thought. I don't want to be around my family. And that was like, no, no, no, that's not the case. I. I want both. I want it all. [00:10:19] Speaker B: Yeah. And for the record, your son and husband, they don't share this dream, since you were 9 years old or 19 years old, of moving abroad? [00:10:28] Speaker A: No. [00:10:29] Speaker B: Okay. [00:10:29] Speaker A: No, they don't. No, they don't. And. And they have jobs that require their physical presence. [00:10:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:36] Speaker A: Okay. [00:10:37] Speaker B: You don't. [00:10:38] Speaker A: You don't and I don't. [00:10:39] Speaker B: Right. [00:10:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:40] Speaker B: Right. You know, this is really cool because I didn't realize that this dream has been inside of you for so long. [00:10:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:50] Speaker B: This. I mean, you could really say since nine years old. Right. Since the Netherlands is too small. [00:10:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:55] Speaker B: And then at 19, because that was like, ouch, you didn't do it. [00:11:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:01] Speaker B: And so then, like, as you know, Nicholeen, I often talk about cats and how cats have nine lives. Because you could then say, ah, you know what? Because now at this age, it's too late. And I'll just. If you were a cat, you could say, I'll just do it in my next cat life. [00:11:16] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:11:17] Speaker B: But being humans as we are, meaning depending on your religion and beliefs about afterlife, but in this current physical form, this is the life we got. And so what are you going to do with it? [00:11:30] Speaker A: And that's also something that I realized, like, oh, perhaps, you know, when I'm retired, and then I will. Perhaps I will move abroad. Because the dream had always been there. [00:11:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:11:44] Speaker A: It was there all the time. But it was like, no, it's not possible. I could never do this to my child. I could never take him away from his, you know, familiar environment. My husband couldn't go, and I was. But there were always reasons not to do it in hindsight. Also, when I look at me at 19, I think I Was afraid to do it. [00:12:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:14] Speaker A: And. And, and of course, I used my boyfriend at the time and my mother as an excuse, but I think I was afraid, like, let's not do this because. Oh, you know, it is. It is a bit, well, exciting in, in the good sense of the word and the bad sense of the word, like, what am I gonna encounter? And, and also I, I spend a lot of time in France for holidays and. But never have I ever, when I was in France, think like, oh, I want to live here. Never. And that was so weird because when I was in Spain, I was in Spain, like, for, for five days, and on the third day, it was such a deep feeling like, oh, I want to be here. I want to live here. And I was like, wait, what? What. [00:13:15] Speaker B: Now? That's so interesting. [00:13:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:17] Speaker B: How two countries, they're not on the grand scheme of thing, are not that different. I mean, if you're talking about, you know, Bangladesh and, And Bahrain and. And, yeah, it's another B country. Bolivia. [00:13:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:33] Speaker B: Right. Those are very different places, but like France and Spain and so interesting that Spain really did it for you and France didn't. And that was this. You. You got your, you got your message. [00:13:44] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I can still. I can still feel that moment when we talk about it. I was standing there, and the beach, you know, it's. It's kind of pebble beach, so it's not that comfortable, but yeah, I was there with my feet on the pebbles in the, in the surf, and I was. I was crying, like, I. I want to be here. It makes no sense at all, but I want to be here. And that was such a strong feeling. And then I decided on the spot, I'm not going to postpone my happiness until I'm retired. Until, like, oh, perhaps five years time. Perhaps in 10 years time, I'm really going to act on it. And that's what I did. [00:14:38] Speaker B: You know, as we've talked about, heart, mind, gut, like the. I mean, sorry, Mind, heart, gut. And the mind, the analytical and strategic and, and normal, regular stuff would say, no, no, no. Husband, son, Netherlands. [00:14:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:14:55] Speaker B: Realities and stuff. Can't do that. I'll do it when I retire. [00:14:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:14:59] Speaker B: But then the heart was such a strong decision maker in that process that the heart's like, yeah. You know, hey, hey, mind you deal with it. [00:15:08] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:15:08] Speaker B: Because. Because we're doing this thing. Figure it out. [00:15:10] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And of course, you know, every now and again, I still have the mind. Like, oh, when are you going again? Are you going Again. Oh, what about your mom? Your mom is 90 years old. Why are you abroad? You need to spend time with her before she's gone. You know, all those. Yeah, I would say analytical, logical stuff, but this longing, this longing and feeling of belonging is not rational at all. It's not rational, but I know I had. Have to act on it. Yeah, yeah. I just know. And I'm doing it. [00:15:58] Speaker B: You know the. I talk about a villain and hero and guide. [00:16:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:02] Speaker B: Right. And the villains are the ones who hold us back. And the hero is like doing the thing. [00:16:06] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:06] Speaker B: And then there's the guide who's helping the villain become the hero. Right. So. And that the hero. You could see the hero as egocentric. You could see the hero as. I'm in it for me and I'm gonna do this and it's all about me. [00:16:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:20] Speaker B: And honest, I'm going to say something controversial here, but it's the. We're back to the oxygen mask in the airplane and it comes down and, you know, there's you and your son and your husband in this case, and you. Let's pretend your son was a tiny little boy. You have to be good. You have to be there. You have to be alive for one thing. But in the current sense, you need to be happy and. And have meaning in your life and have a deep joy and. And feeling of. Of meaning and purpose if you are going to be. You're talking about being a good mother and a good spouse. Well, how good of a mother and a spouse are you going to be if you're not having the oxygen and you're not being the hero. [00:17:08] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:08] Speaker B: Of your. Of your own journey? And so you, as a strong hero now, you can, you know, in my. In my world, move on to being a guide. Right. But you need to be the hero first. Which is what exactly what you're doing. And now you are a better guide for your son and your husband because you're a stronger person yourself by taking care of yourself first. [00:17:32] Speaker A: Yeah. But, you know, I was a villain for a very long time. [00:17:36] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh. [00:17:38] Speaker A: I'm gonna do it whenever. Perhaps one day. [00:17:43] Speaker B: Right. [00:17:43] Speaker A: I'm not, you know, blocking everyone else or being a burden for everyone else because to be honest, you know, my husband has quest, gets questions from people like, is your wife away again? Why is that? [00:17:59] Speaker B: Yeah. How's your relationship doing? Are you guys okay? [00:18:04] Speaker A: Exactly. People think it's weird. [00:18:06] Speaker B: Yeah, I get it too. Yeah. Yeah. And I go away and. Yeah, Yeah. I go away on a meditation retreat for 10 days or something. And, and honest to goodness, I love my wife more than anything. I want to be alone on that meditation retreat. It's for me. [00:18:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:25] Speaker B: And if she were there, it'd be different for one thing, but, and it's not really her cup of tea. She wouldn't even enjoy it. It's totally my thing, but I need it to be the better person of Bradley, the husband. [00:18:37] Speaker A: And that's it. And you know, and funny thing is, when I'm in Spain, it's not that I'm doing incredibly spectacular things, you know, working, I'm outside a lot and that's what I love about Spain. [00:18:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:53] Speaker A: Because the weather is so good. You can be outside for days. The evenings are long, they are still warm. You don't. Yeah, it's not cold. It's, it's just great. It's. And it's not like very, I'm doing very spectacular things, but I'm, I love the time that I am there. I'm very comfortable with myself so I enjoy my own company and, and that's just great. And that's something I discovered when I was doing this. Like. Oh, actually I like this. This is, this is good. And what you said, you know, because I put on my oxygen mask by going to Spain and be a better spouse, a better mother, a better friend. Yeah, that's definitely better. [00:19:45] Speaker B: Better coach, a better. Yeah, yeah, probably a better most things. [00:19:51] Speaker A: That's it. That's it. Because my energy levels go up when I'm there. I can, I can feel it. I'm creative, I'm inspired. I hear myself say things on calls like, where does that come from? It's because my energy is high. I mean, you, I told you this. I, when I, last summer when I was in Spain, I woke up with a download. Like, I need to write a book. [00:20:22] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:20:23] Speaker A: And I got the. Woke up with the download. And I was like, am I going to write down all this? But I was like, no. You know, when I, if I still have this idea in the morning, that's definitely a sign that I'm, I'm actually going to write it. [00:20:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:38] Speaker A: And, and we spoke about this. But I got the download, I got the whole outline, I got the title, I got the whole thing. So I, in the morning I started writing and within six weeks I wrote a 200 page book. Like how. But I was so inspired and it was so, energy was so high and it was so easy and I, I, I told people, like, this book writes itself, but it happens when I'm There. [00:21:11] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:12] Speaker A: That's the difference. Yeah. [00:21:18] Speaker B: And now a word from our sponsor, the tourism board of Spain. [00:21:27] Speaker A: The village of Almonecar. [00:21:32] Speaker B: Okay, I know I only have a few more minutes here. What? Okay, so as you know, we're talking villain, hero, guide. And if you were looking back and so if we think of also viewers watching this. Right. Or listeners. And. But, but what if you, you put yourself as the guide of today in, in, as we talked about, we all have guides and heroes and villains in different ways. But if you looked at today yourself, Nicholeen, the guide of today, with. In this particular case of the Spain and the dream and all that. And then you're speaking to, to make it really easy, you're speaking to Nicholeen of 19 years old, who did not make the disc. Well, did make a decision of not doing it. But what would you say with the realities of what you know about The Nicoline of 19, right. Not like, oh, let's win the lottery and whatever and learn French in a half an hour. What would you say to that 19 year old Nicholeen? [00:22:32] Speaker A: I think first of all, what I would say is whatever you decide, it's fine because I judged myself a lot for not going. [00:22:43] Speaker B: Okay. [00:22:44] Speaker A: Yeah. So for postponing the dream, I judged myself. [00:22:50] Speaker B: Yeah. That's hard. That hurts. [00:22:53] Speaker A: Yeah, it really does. And, and I, I really judged myself for years. [00:22:59] Speaker B: I know. [00:23:00] Speaker A: Oh, but I had the dream at 19, but I didn't do it, you know, and, but so that's the first thing I would say. [00:23:08] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:09] Speaker A: Second, trust the process. If the dream is really that strong, it'll come back to you. The moment you decide to actually take action on it, it will come back to you. And, and because sometimes we have a dream, but we don't necessarily want to take action on the dream. Some dreams are great as dreams. [00:23:34] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:23:35] Speaker A: For me it was like, oh, perhaps this is just a dream that I'm not meant to really fulfill. So. So that's the second thing I, I would say to trust the process. Like if the dream is actually meant to take action on, it'll come back. [00:23:55] Speaker B: It'll come back so good. Love it. [00:23:57] Speaker A: And then third, and that's literally not. That's not my advice, but that's my coach's advice. You can have it all. It's not using either. Or you can, you can have it all. And, but all, all it takes between air quotes is creativity on how do you fit it in and how do you create such a solution that it works for everyone? So yeah, you can have it all. And that was it. There's a, it's, it's a great book, by the way. You can have it all. I don't know by whom it is. I'm looking at my book stand. [00:24:42] Speaker B: It sounds like a Louise Hay title. [00:24:44] Speaker A: No, it's not. [00:24:45] Speaker B: No. [00:24:45] Speaker A: Okay. It's not it, but it's, it's really opening your mind to possibilities. And because we, especially in today's society, it's like you choose one thing, you do this or you do that. [00:25:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:03] Speaker A: And I think it's so powerful when you can be all. So we spoke about the villain, the hero and the guide. We have it all. Yeah, we have it all. And, and it's not like, oh, I'm only a villain or oh, I'm only a guide. I, I have it all. The only question is, who do I listen to and who am I going to act on? [00:25:29] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:25:30] Speaker A: This is also, this is also for. Do I listen to. Oh, I have to be the good girl. I have to be in the Netherlands. I have to be a good mom and a good spouse, blah, blah, blah. [00:25:41] Speaker B: Right. [00:25:41] Speaker A: Or am I listening to. No, but you need to go to Spain and you need to be there and blah, blah, blah. Or do I listen to the guide who says, well, why not have it all? And this is a conscious choice, but first we need to be aware of the villains and the heroes before we can listen to the guide. [00:26:05] Speaker B: Yes. Yeah. [00:26:08] Speaker A: It's a complex process. It takes a lot of self leadership, I think. And it takes a lot of reflection and ability to look at yourself from a distance like, okay, what's actually happening here? Why do I react the way I react? What is actually going on? What's at play? Wait a minute. Oh, I'm blocking myself because I think I need to be a good mom or no, I'm being the rebel. Like, no, but you need to be in Spain, blah, blah, blah. But wait a minute, you can be both. So that I would say those three things are the things I would say to my 19 year old self. [00:26:55] Speaker B: Wow. Wow. I love it. I love it. It's so good. It's so good. We're out of time. Thank you. This has been wonderful. Just wonderful. And thank you so much for all of this. It's just been. Oh, I'm just, you know, speaking of feeling it, like talking with you and talking about this whole. Now what? Program that I've had for years and now taking action on it. [00:27:20] Speaker A: Yeah, right. [00:27:21] Speaker B: Like we're, we're having an interview right here. Going to put on YouTube and making it real. So that's taking an actual step to do a dream that I've had for years, that I'm making it real. So, so thank you for being a part of my dream. [00:27:34] Speaker A: Wonderful. I love it. [00:27:35] Speaker B: And, and again, congratulations on, on where you are. And like, let's, let's talk in it in several months. And I want to hear where you are with Spain and see how that. [00:27:44] Speaker A: How that's going, see how that progresses. [00:27:47] Speaker B: In fact, let's, let's talk next time you're in Spain. We'll talk if you're from Spain. [00:27:51] Speaker A: Let's do that. I love that. All right. [00:27:54] Speaker B: All right, Nicholeen, thanks so much. Talk soon. [00:27:56] Speaker A: Bye.